THE NO EGO BLOG

THE NO EGO BLOG
Getting Over My Self Importance

Monday, December 31, 2012

Entry #52: Winter's Bright, We Are In This World Together and My Reactive Crazy

Dear All:


Winter's bright had its first dress rehearsal this week.  The sun's warmth and abrupt winds melted Jack Frosts silvery art work on each happy bush and tree in the front yard, now adorned with cheery Christmas bows, lights and holiday fantastic. When twinkling lights illuminate every tree inside and out, where Christmas trees are beaded with mermaids swimming in their aqua glitter, where hand painted boats sail on their own faithful branch and where ruby feathered cardinals perch, what is there not to love? Winter has its harsh ways for sure, but this season is forgiving like no other. The air quality is peaking, the dramatic puffy clouds have their own language and a winter's moonlight is as bright as any sun's shine. All is calm in winter as Jupiter creeps closer than ever to earth this week.  Get ready everybody because winter is never dull! 

Tweeters
  1. Winter's moonlight is as bright as any sun's shine this evening (12/2812).
  2. "Santa is the President of Christmas."--Brady Shaw 3.12 years old
As the tree lights twinkle and sing their Christmas carols each night, I am hopeful for a productive universe that seems to be in the works. However, my heart becomes heavy each time I open up my Yahoo news page. With our planet hungry (which is no peace promoter), global warming becoming a reality (Irene and/ of Sandy perhaps?) and the US Congress struggling desperately with their ego, to the point of paralysis (Fiscal Cliff, WTF),  I am like oh dear god help us down here. 

The way we manifest our anxiety is part of growing up and I have no control over any of this, however, how do you get through these feelings when you have a sweet heart of a guy to get through this ? Knowing that we are in this world together is the only way out. The only way to keep "up" is make a pact that we have one another to lean on and to understand. If anything more supernatural should happen, its not like any of us will be singled out, we will be together somehow, because we are now, right?  

Tweeters
  1. We are in this world together.
  2. "Dear God, help me to be gentle and kind to every living creature."--A Prayer A Day
  3. "Understand Karma. No debt in the universe goes unpaid."--Deepak Chopra
As I become aware of the ramifications of my thoughts and the impact of karma, you would think I had enough strength to withhold my ego bullshit when things aren't going swimmingly. For the most part I do try and "shut it" and it does have a positive impact. However, when Todd and I are having any type of tense conversation about how to do things (his way or my way) my Reactive Crazy (can I get a trademark here?) starts blazing --quickly. It is a great comedy show, starring me and my asshole ways.

Reactive Crazy is the "culprit" in most major/minor conflicts. Reactive Crazy gets out of control if 1) anyone calls us out on the unfavorable (even when they are right) 2) it is the bruised, hurt, nasty comeback to anything we are not prepared to hear (which is 99% of the time) 3) it is the monster within a seemingly non defensive person 4) it is alliance(s) against an individual(s) who may be uncovering some truths 5) it is a lifetime story for some of us who never wanted to hear our own reality 6) it is a state of mind that does not allow for authenticity with oneself 7) it is a way in which to be cut off from honesty with loved ones who have our best interests in mind 8) It does not allow us to take responsibility for our actions because we immediately lunge into our own defense) 9) it causes pettiness which is the root of all evil 10) it is a defense mechanism that inhibits our spiritual illumination.
Tweets
  1. My Reactive Crazy never disappoints me!
  2. How did your Reactive Crazy navigate you today? Oh dear.
  3. If I do not take responsibility for my actions today, there is no point.
Thank you all for reading in your busy days of everyday. If I let go of my ego tonight and get my jolly on, iremember that we are in this world together and more importantly, check my Reactive Crazy bullshit each day, then nothing can go that wrong, right?

Lastly, let's pray for the women, children & animals who need our determined and fierce protection at all times. 

With Love & Sincerely,
Kristen

P.S. Happy Birthday to Cindy Sparks Dreher (12/28/12) who has a heart made of gold.

2 comments:

  1. Whoa, you do some deep psychological digging with those 10 points of Reactive Crazy. It has me curious about the specific exchange that triggered the Reactive Crazy and that has me wondering what it would be like if you revealed that here on your blog. I'm not suggesting you do. It would be really difficult for me to reveal such personal details from my life, but many bloggers do, treating their blogs like true diaries. Just pondering the difference and how it would change you and your blog if you did that!

    Blah, blah, blah. I think I had too much caffeine today.

    Happy birthday to Cindy!

    ReplyDelete
  2. HI Sue:

    It is pretty simple I think, let me try, it probably happens with
    Todd or my family, you know the ones that love us the most.

    1) anyone calls us out on the unfavorable (even when they are right)

    Todd says to me, why do you always leave the room when we need to talk
    about Brady? He is pointing out true things that I do - that I do not
    want to face cause I do not appear perfect.

    2) it is the bruised, hurt, nasty comeback to anything we are not
    prepared to hear (which is 99% of the time)

    My comeback to Todd is you don't appreciate anything I do in this
    house, look how beautiful it is and you seem to notice what is not
    perfect - Susan does that make sense?

    3) it is the monster within a seemingly non defensive person. Once
    criticism to anyone's character can set off years of reactive
    thoughts. It is everywhere!

    4) it is alliance(s) against an individual(s) who may be uncovering
    some truths.

    Politics perhaps - look at our Congress and House of Reps - you cannot
    tell an adult these days what they have done wrong or not right, they
    will rally their fellowship and create a nasty alliance against the
    person calling them out on the truth and create lies to cover up their
    fear - it is in the press. It causes lack of integrity. Everyone has
    their own reality.

    5) it is a lifetime story for some of us who never wanted to hear our
    own reality.

    For example, many of us never want to hear that we addiction problems,
    etc. right?

    6) it is a state of mind that does not allow for authenticity with oneself.

    If we accept our whole selves the good/bad with open dialogue -
    wouldn't we be relieved? Who cares what the truth is, because it is
    ours.Who gives a shit what others think, cause they are going to think
    what they want and we cannot control that.

    7) it is a way in which to be cut off from honesty with loved ones
    who have our best interests in mind.

    Our families are a very good example of this on every level. We are
    always trying to tell our loved ones the truth and generally it goes
    on deaf ears right, that has been my experience. That is where my tool
    of acceptance comes in handy.

    8) It does not allow us to take responsibility for our actions because
    we immediately lunge into our own defense)

    Reacting to what we don't want to hear has become a monster of problem
    that I see in adults all of the time. When we say, "that is not
    true.", "no I do not." and the one saying to the other is like,
    "really?" Todd and I are totally Reactive Crazy sometimes and it is so
    unproductive.

    9) it causes pettiness which is the root of all evil.

    People will spend a lifetime telling their family/friends what someone
    SAID about them, what they did not like-- which was probably fucking
    true. Sigh.

    10) it is a defense mechanism that inhibits our spiritual illumination.

    Taking responsibility for everything we are feeling is a goal of my
    day. I am wonderful when things are great, but when someone trips me
    up or I do not like something - I am not in the light, I am in my
    bullshit ego vortex of hell.

    Does that make sense lamb? Tell me what you think, I love your honesty.
    Bring it darling.

    Love
    Kris

    ReplyDelete